And He Has Risen Again

I've been waking up at 4 A.M. a lot lately. No, it's not for fun, and no, it's not my preferred hour of consciousness, but honestly, I don't mind it. I've been busy these days. That's a plus. The last few months took a good toll on me, and I'm still rebounding, but anyone who knows me, knows one thing; when I rebound, I rebound hard. It is highly unfortunate that I possess absolutely no natural talent at Basketball what so ever.

My life has seen many changes. Obviously, over the course of a lifetime, a lot is going to happen, but I'm talking in the last six months. Negative things begot positive things and I'd like to think I'm moving forward. Whenever I record this next album, I think it'll be pretty clear that I am. Or, at least, I'm able to take things in stride just a little bit more. I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned a lot about the ebb and flow of everyday life. I'd like to think I'm getting better at treating human beings like human beings. I'd also like to think I'm starting to give more credit to my troubled upbringing and early adulthood, instead of just ignoring it all together.

Some of those who know me know that I go into a weird state of hibernation during the winter months. I'd say this is 90 percent accurate, but couldn't be more accurate about this winter. I suffered a blow that rendered me useless, and in my opinion, practically dead. You see, I had this job that I really liked. I mean, I loved it. Early mornings were no problem. There was no such thing as a hangover that was too much to handle for this job. Not because of the work load, but because I enjoyed being there that much. I worked my ass off. About three months into my tenure there, news was received of a promotion. I was going to be making the best money I had ever made in my life. By a large margin. I was thrilled. The only thing running through my head when I heard the news was, "whatever you do, don't fuck this up. I will not fuck this up." The good news? I didn't. The bad news? The place shut down exactly one week after the initial good news. Also, I was only informed of the closing one day before it happened. Sure, there were rumors swirling around about the place closing down, but I held on to that one tiny morsel of hope that it wouldn't happen. There is no way this could happen. Punch. In. The. Gut. Followed. By. A. Very. Hard. Mike. Tyson. Style. Punch. To. The. Head.

Something else needs to be understood, assuming that you care. At this point, I was in a position where I was finally seeing past the dream of being a rock star. I had the dream of starting a family, living happily as a good friend and a good man. At that time, I would have said I was the luckiest man in the world. It's funny how something so menial can alter you so much, but rest assured, the world works in funny ways, and things can go down hill in a hurry. For me, things didn't wait, they hurried. They moved fast. I slipped into what I consider a three month coma, maybe four, who knows, but it seemed to last forever. Everyday it got worse. I knew I was alienating everyone around me. Somehow I was conscious of everything going on, but completely oblivious at the same time. Time stopped. I stopped. The last few blog posts I wrote came on the end of a whiskey binge so hard I don't even remember writing them. I blacked out for four months, unemployed, feeling what you emo kids would call "alone", but still pushing everything and everyone away. I do not recall much of anything from these past winter months, but they happened. I wish they never did, but they did. I wish I could change everything about them, but I can't.

The really odd thing, to me at least, is waking up. Eventually you have to. When I woke up, everything was different. Most of my friends were gone. Well, maybe not gone, but, you know, not around. My fault, not theirs. The thing that had previously had me more excited about anything than I had ever been, was gone. Yet, here I stand (sitting currently), awake and alive. The old saying is right. You do live, and you do learn. Sometimes you learn more than others. Sometimes you just have to stop being a dickhead. Sometimes, no matter how hard you've been hit, you have to immediately get up. Never, though, can you ever just lay down and die.

So, that puts me here. I now live with one of my closest friends (dyslexic folk might have read that as "closeted", not the case, but we do push the boundaries of a hetero living situation) and band mate Trevor. I've been writing a lot more. I'm working a whole lot more. I feel healthy again. I finally have regrets, but I am determined to learn from them. I have finally made some mistakes in my life that I will never repeat. That's saying a lot for me.

Sorry about the sappy post, but this thing is here to update y'all. New songs are coming out like whoa, as Black Rob would have said, or I guess would say, but we wouldn't know, because he's buried in prison.

Also, somehow the Bear Scout facebook page went from having 15 fans to 13. Come on folks, we want to become more popular, not less popular. Well, I guess at least I'm not in prison. Like Black Rob, um, like whoa. Yeah, that's a great way to look at the last four months, actually...

At least I'm not in prison.

Interested in some lyrics to some of the new songs? Here you go...

Excerpt 1:
We've all seen the death of a town - Well, the Devil showed up, and he worships us now - I guess everyone here runs at the exact same pace - It's just that no one can really run away from an angel, as bad as he is, he's been labeled - And named the place that all the sinners call home - Down there, everyone lives alone - But I thought the Devil would let me go - Because even the Devil would want to go home...

Excerpt 2:
You had a magical purse that was filled with money, and every dollar bill was something that you'd never give - Up and down, we climb the tallest ladders, and all fall down, just to break every bone in our bodies so we could feel them better - Clear our heads - Or make the bet of - Who would stay afloat - Or sink the most - And now I wish, I wish I won...